this is my husband.

joe is cool.

he wears his sunglasses inside. except not really. i just told him to put them on so i could take these really attractive pictures of him. joe is cool. he works hard. he does things that challenge him. he wears a suit every other day. he rides the train every day that he wears a suit. he's really going places. he never gets mad at me, even though sometimes i deserve it. he listens to obscure music and jams to it. he doesn't make fun of my music even though i make fun of his. joe likes to watch star trek, and every single time he does he falls asleep on the couch. he is a good friend. he cares about you, and me. he has the best manners. the best temperament. he has no guile. he is just good. i want to be more like him. and i hope that when we have kids, they are just like him, and so very little like me. 

xo.

tifbit.

- For the past two weeks I've woken up around 3 or 4 with a scratchy throat. Irritating right? I usually just pop a cough drop in my mouth and it solves everything, until 3 or 4 the next morning.

- I love my job. I love the people in my training class. I love the office I work in. I love the systems we use. I love what our company does for people. I love being part of it all. I feel truly blessed to have found a job where I am treated so well and our customers are, too. Bliss.

- Joe is onto his second week interning for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am pretty confident he loves it and he looks so dang good in his new suit!

- We're headed to St. George this weekend for a very short trip. We'll be there late late Friday night and come home Sunday evening. It will be nice to spend time with family and see some friends. Joe hasn't been down for a while so I know it will be a good little trip for him.

- I have been reading the same book for several months, somehow I lost my reading flow. I am upset about this because I have a whole bunch of books I need/want to read. I actually really enjoy the book I'm reading right now, but I never want to read. I know this is the silliest thing to tell you about - but if you know how to get back into the swing of reading - tell me. I need your expertise.

- My friend Kiri, has incredibly inspiring insight, I want to share her blog with you. She is just a really beautiful person. I feel like everyone should know about her. I wish I knew her in real life, she's the type of person I would feel quite grateful to be around - sharing the same air.

- So, building new friendships is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I love meeting people and asking them questions that aren't really my business. But if they tell me the answers, it means I can be their friend. I feel like that is a very great thing. I feel like friendships are the best ships. I am so grateful for this new job I have, every person I see can become a new friend! I love it. I looooove it.

- Have you ever offended someone without knowing it/how/why/what/when/where? I have. I feel like a fool and a terrible person. I have no idea what I did or when I did it. I have apologized without knowing what to apologize for, and I have been sincere. How do you resolve something you know nothing about? What if what the person is upset is about is something someone else said you've done? How do you overcome that? It eats me alive.

- Lately, Joe's nickname is poohead. Natalie's nickname is poohead. I don't even know why.

- Several people have called me a hipster in the past year. They've put a label on me. I don't agree with it. I've always kind of thought of hipster has a negative connotation. Will you raise your hand and tell me why you think I'm a hipster if you think I'm one? and define it for me? I won't even be mad. 

- Who still reads my blog?

SP: What emotion do you wish you could better control?

Hello.

Have you ever heard of SOULPANCAKE? I have. Click here if you want to learn more. Rainn Wilson is the man behind the brilliance.

I first heard about this book from a friend who I used to work with (at my last job.) It inspired me. It sent my brain spinning. It made my heart flutter. The art alone is enough to make my heart sing.
I recently bought the book for my sister for her birthday. She had the idea of blogging about all of the probing questions, I liked the idea and I wanted to do it myself. So of the purely fantastic 205 pages, I chose this question as my first. I urge you to do the same, I think this could be a delightful little journey.

Page 55: Q: What emotion do you wish you could better control? 

A: Oh of all the emotions, how could I pick just one? I am an emotional basket case. I'm not sure if many would classify anxiety as an emotion. But I would, because it makes me feel, feelings not equivalent to that of anger, or sadness, or love. But feelings. 

Today in training for my new job, I had a mini anxiety attack. I told my class members I was having one but I'm not sure they understood I was being very literal.

First, my face flushed. Bright red. It then got very warm. I began to sweat. 
Second, my heart started to race. Third, my breathing became rapid and my air intake became blocked. Fourth, I started to shake. 
Usually, when I have an anxiety attack my stomach becomes uncomfortable and my eyes well with tears, along with the above four mentioned. These two things didn't happen so I called it a mini attack. I really needed to get up and walk around, or go outside, or go in a dark room and close my eyes. But I couldn't. I was right in the middle of training and I was about to be put on the spot.

If I had better control of my anxiety, I could more fully be the person I know I am capable of being with out such extreme discomfort. I believe these attacks are one of the reasons I cannot do school. I shrug it off and blame it on general education classes. 

I don't remember feeling this way as I grew up. But I did I have extreme acid reflux disease. I'm sure it was stress induced or anxiety induced, but I was 8 years old. I took prescription medication for it and now I take medication so I don't have anxiety. Because I want to be a baby carrying woman, I need to be free of medication like this. So I am gradually easing my way off of it. 

I want to control my anxiety. Anxiety is a good thing sometimes and it makes people feel. I don't want to erase it completely. I want to have better control of it.

What emotion do you wish you could better control?
Please let me know if you've responded to this question or just respond in the comments. I think sometimes it is good for all of us to know we're not alone, you know? xo.

I am thankful.

I feel so happy.

Life is so full of good right now.

- I am thankful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, to have the calling I have, and to serve with the beautiful people I serve with. I cannot tell you how much I love the Young Women in my ward, how much they make my heart sing when they give me a hug, or act excited to see me, or say they've missed me when I've missed a Sunday. I love their sweet spirits and the way their testimonies shine straight out of their eyes. They are magic. I love them.

- I am thankful for my new job. I cannot describe how different I feel. It's only day two of training, so I can't really say I've got a firm grasp on anything, but I know how the company treats its employees and I know how they treat their customers and those two things are the most important things to me. Everything else will fall into place just as it should.

- I am thankful for the new opportunity Joe has recieved. He will be interning at the church office building for 4-6 months! Starting really soon. I am so proud of him and his accomplishments. He puts so much time and effort into his school work, it's reflecting quite wonderfully on him. He is good at life.

- I am thankful our friends baby, Rivers, is doing well. He has had some challenges the first week of his life, and he seems to be so strong. I am grateful his parents, Emily and Holden, are remaining faithful and positive throughout. They are examples to me of strength and holding strong to their faith and hoping for the best.

- I am thankful I've recently started taking half my dose of anti-anxiety medication. I am thankful I haven't felt any change in my mind, heart, soul, so on. I am thankful I am weening myself off this medication so I can better prepare myself to be mentally sound and healthy on my own.

- I am thankful for my parents. I got to see and spend a lot of time with them over the last week and it was so wonderful. They are such good people. I am grateful for the capacity they have to love their children unconditionally. I am grateful for their willingness to take care of and care about each of us so fully.

- I am thankful for my sister. I also got to spend some time with her while in St. George, and although we aren't always the tightest knit, we are good for each other. We balance each other out and we share some of the same thoughts and ideas. I enjoy time spent with her because I feel intellectually stimulated and very consistently inspired. I am so thankful for her mind, her heart, and her goodness.

- I am thankful for Jocelyn, Scott, Evyn, and Phoebe. They have such a special place in my heart and mean the world to me. They are such a delightful little family and I love every moment (which aren't frequent enough) I get to share in their presence. I love them! They are family to me.

- I am thankful for my clients and the opportunity I have to gain more, simply by word of mouth. I am flattered when people choose me over all of the other excellent photographers, and I feel such a boost of esteem when I book a job. When I am working with people my heart swells with love for them, I am excited about the prospect of them being "returning customers" and I cannot wait to share what I've captured with them. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the good people who have faith in me and my lens.

- I am thankful for my in laws. I feel so incredibly blessed to have in laws who love and care about me as an individual and not just as the wife of their son. I feel privileged to have married into such a loving, warm, and welcoming family. I am grateful for the comfort I feel when I am around them and I feel so much pride and joy calling them my family.

- I am thankful for my ability to speak to people. I think about this especially when I have to work to develop new relationships at my new job. I can't imagine what a drag training would be if no one talked to anyone. I am so glad I am able to enjoy the company of complete strangers and throw my life at them so they'll throw theirs back.

- I am thankful for the people I know only through social media. I feel such a huge connection to some of them and I hope and aspire to build real life, face to face, let's go get lunch, kind of relationships with them. There are four I can think of right now, so I'd like to tell you who they are. Kate, Lexi, Kiri, and Geri. I appreciate and love you all. As silly as that seems.

- I am thankful for the 'silence is okay' relationship Joseph and I share. Sometimes, we sit side by side and say nothing to each other for hours. I am glad we can do that. We've always been able to do that. It seems rare when relationships allow for such silence. It's okay to be quiet sometimes. I'm glad both Joe and I know that.

- I am thankful to be a living and breathing human being, on this earth, at this time. I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful for the impact this world has on me. I am thankful that I can impact the world, too. I am thankful for modern technology, my iPhone, social media, unlimited genres of music, unlimited genres of movies, unlimited - everything? I am grateful for the people who are living and breathing humans on this earth, with me.

- I am thankful for my friendships. I don't always do the best at keeping up with all of my friends and making sure they are all doing dandy. But I think they all know I love them and I care about them and I miss them when I don't see them for too long. I'm confident they know that, and I know that about them.

xo.

Grandpas.

Hubsand.

I sure missed this handsome guy while I was away.

Baby.

Two of my favorite humans welcomed their second daughter into the world on February 20th.

birthday sister.

February 20.

liebster x 2.

So, I was nominated twice for this little "award" guy. My first nomination was given by Maddi, my beautiful cousin, who by marriage, I am so blessed to be related to! (and to share the occasional holida dinner with...) She didn't ask any questions for me to answer, so I'm just going to answer the same questions she answered in her Liebster post. Cool idea, huh? YOU BETTER READ THIS MADDI. You threatened me with "you'll be cursed for 10 years and a scary person will knock on your door if you don't do it. Or something like that.." I am not fond of scary people or 10 year curses.

 The next nomination come from the wonderful Chantel, who is a very wonderful and sweet friend of mine, who happens to also be the mother of the darn near cutest little boy who exists. She asked 8 questions. So I'll answer those as well. Are you guys so excited? I am. It gives me something to blog about! (Supposedly this award is only given to bloggers who are under 200 followers?) 

these are the rules:

You must list 11 things about yourself

You must answer 11 questions the nominee created for you 

You must chose your own favorite blogs to nominate 

You must create 11 questions for them (or use the previous questions)

You must let them know they've won:

that's a lot of must's. Not sure I can handle this pressure.

11 things about myself:

1. I am a bit of a germ and hand lotion freak. If I wash my hands in a public bathroom and lotion is not around to put on my hands after, I do a little bit of a mental freak out. I'm not just a freak about germs on my hands, I'm a freak about germs that aren't mine and aren't Joe's - because Joe and I share germs. 

2. I almost always get sick when I travel. 

3. I have a highly inappropriate sense of humor. I blame my mother. But not really, because I love her sense of humor.

4. When I first started my blog I blogged 50 things I'm thankful for every single Thursday. 

F i f t y things. Every single Thursday. How did I do that?

5. Sometimes Joe and I play a word game that doesn't make any sense to anyone but just me and him. For instance: I call him a blip dip and he says flip sip back and I say clip fip and so on until someone changes it to something else to make up words to... Do you see the pattern? We really do this. Often. We are weirdos. But I sure love us.

6. My dad nicknamed me "Doodle Bug" when I was the littlest person. I don't think he knew I was going to be a doodler adult.

7. I bite my nails and I pick my face/zits/scars and whenever I find a split end I split it even further. Ha. Good habits aren't they? 

8. My sister always comments on how my style is very easy to pick out. Like, she could be at a clothing store and find everything I would like. I've had many people tell me this. I like stripes, big bold patterns, and color, color blocking, and scarves. That's generally what you'll see me wearing. 

9. I hate being too warm. It overwhelms me. I feel like I can't breathe. I hate sweating. I hate having to wipe my forehead or take off layers of clothing. ick.

10. I am guilt stricken. I feel bad about everything.

11. I wanted to wear glasses when I was younger, I bought glasses when they weren't essential but only slightly recommended by the optometrist. I will forever regret that decision. My eyesight has gotten worse and worse over the years and my eyeballs will not allow contacts to be on them. I am stuck with glasses forever more and no one will ever see my pretty eyes because of this poor decision. Who in their right mind chooses glasses?

11 questions from maddi's blog and 8 questions from chantel.

1: Are you a morning person or a night owl? 

I'm a person, not an owl, and I'm kind of just a midday human. 

2: If a genie granted you three wishes what would they be?

1. Enough money to help all of my family live comfortable lives. 

2. Infinite ability to travel every corner of the world with whom ever I want as my travel pal(s).

3.  Joe with the capacity and ability and opportunity to  work toward having his dream job and getting it! 

 3: What is your favorite color? 

maroon, orange, green. I've never been able to choose just one. Ask my wedding, it was a rainbow.

4: What annoys you most? 

noise. noise and sound that doesn't belong. like buzzing. or smacking on food. or snoring. or an annoying alarm. or clicking. or anything that isn't supposed to be there. also music that has too much "noise" is not music i want to hear. 

5: Guilty pleasure? 

i've never understood this question. because i don't feel that guilt and pleasure can exist together.

6: If you had a day to yourself what would you do? 

last week I had an entire week to myself and I just watched tv. so I guess that's what I would do. I'm adventurous and I aim high.

7: What is #1 on your bucket list? 

pfft. have a baby, yo. have a joe and tif baby.

8: What's your favorite app?  

hipstamatic.

 9: What would you love to learn if you had the time?

magic tricks, sculpting, sewing, pottery making, culinary arts; just you know, the basics.

10: What three things can you NOT live without? 

1. hubby.

2. food

3. water.

WHAT GUYS, you couldn't live without food or water either?

 11: What made you decide to start blogging? 

everyone else was doing it. 

1. What's the most recent movie you've seen?

It was called Butter, and it was on Netflix, and I don't think you should watch it.

2. Tell me about your first high school crush

Oh my. I had so many high school crushes. One boy from every "clique" or "group" of people.  I could not choose just one. But if you ask me about my senior crush, his name was Joe Hafen and he is my husband. 

3. If you could travel back in time, where and when?

Just to my earlier days when I made choices that affected my current baby making processes. So I would have made more intelligent choices, with the foods I eat, and the lack of exercise in my life, just so this trial wouldn't be one I've had to bear.

4. What are you addicted to right now?

laziness. I've had two weeks of no job and all I've done is a whole lot of nothing. I don't mind it one bit. (But I am quite excited to start my new job on Monday!!)

5. Describe the last dream you remember.

Joe was going around his hometown telling everyone he was divorcing me. His dad gave me a book called "finding your next husband." HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?

6. Where do you want to be in your life in 10 years?

in a home with my husband that is not connected to anyone else's home. with at least one child. making my husband and my child(ren) the happiest little humans on the planet.

7. Your worst day ever in elementary school?

probably the day I made fun of a little girls hair. I told her it looked like a pineapple. I got that from Grease when Frenchie dyes her hair bright yellow. But it didn't come off as a funny thing or a reference to Grease. (pretty sure we were in second grade.) I remember exactly where we were standing on the playground and I remember exactly how she looked when I said it and I remember exactly how I felt when I walked away. 

8. Who is your role model? 

I would never be able to choose just one person. There are so many people who have affected my way of thinking or the mold or shape my life has taken. I am constantly looking and listening and learning from people around me. Selecting one person as my role model wouldn't do me or anyone else the justice they deserve.

I nominate:

those who read my blog.

i think there are about 11 of you.

you can answer the questions i just did.

this is what happened.

Have you ever quit your job before? The only time I have ever quit my job until now was when I moved to Northern Utah. It was terrible. It was miserable. I cried.

This time was different.

<-- This is what I did this time and it felt so good. I was scheduled until 4pm yesterday, I left at 2am. It was after an hour long meeting where I was getting hounded, along with my dear counterpart, for failure to perform. It was right after I was told my job was on the line. It was right after I decided I wasn't going to let these meetings bother me anymore because I had found a new job. My heart was on fire. My breathing was rapid. Luckily Joe was there, Joe was there and I asked him if I could just leave and not come back. Yes. Yes I could and yes I did. I was free and overjoyed and tearful. Joyful tearful. I'm confident I lost the friendships of many. I'm aware I left in probably the worst way possible.

But it was what I needed.

. . . and starting today, I'm going to be anxiety free, migraine free, and I'm going to feel good. I'm going to feel good about what I'm doing day in and day out and I'm going to be appreciated. Because I won't let any of that other stuff happen to me again.

tifbit.

- My temporary crown fell off. like, the tooth kind of crown. not like a golden head piece. So I have this really nasty visible stump of a tooth. I thought about attaching a picture but then realized you can't really see it unless you REALLY look, so I don't want to show anyone because every time they see me they'll look for the stump, and then I'll become one of those people who doesn't smile. You know that kind of people. update: I kept that crown and I put it back on the stump and it stayed! let's take bets on how long it will stay in again. (the last time it was in - it lasted 7 years)

- So - I've gained a LOT of weight in the past couple of months. all my pants are tight.  I asked Joe what we're doing wrong and he said "we don't exercise, we drink a lot of soda, and we watch a lot of tv." and then I said "oh, that's quite a bit of nothing, huh?!" ps. I typed this while I was drinking a soda and watching tv. 

- Last week I was going to chop my hair off, like just below my chin. Well, I was going to have a professional do it. But then I didn't. I'm happy I didn't today. My hair is long and even though it is falling out and thinner than it has ever been - it's pretty.

- I am the type of person who needs to be appreciated. I work hard. I take my job seriously. I don't mess around. I do what I'm supposed to do. I am loyal. When qualities like these go unrecognized; I stress, I get anxious, I get nauseous, I don't know what to do or how to handle it.

xo.

Food 26.

Are you guys ready for this? I'm not sure you are.

Garlic Butter Glazed - Chicken Spinach Puffs 

Ingredients:

1 chicken breast (boiled and shredded)

12 Rhodes Texas Sized Rolls (thawed and raised for 3 hours)

2 cups frozen (or fresh) chopped spinach

1 package shredded Mozzarella cheese

4 oz cream cheese (softened)

1 tbs ricotta cheese

1/2 stick butter (separated again, in half) (softened)

1 tbsp minced garlic

1 tsp basil

1 tsp powdered mustard

1 tsp garlic salt

several sprinkles of parmesan cheese

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Spray two cookie sheets with cooking spray.

How:

Raise your rolls. Let them hang tight for a minute.

After your chicken is boiled and shredded put it into a bowl, add spinach, cream cheese, ricotta cheese and 1/4 stick butter, basil, garlic salt, and powdered mustard. mix it all up real good.

Once your mixture is mixed and your roll have raised, take a roll and flatten it as flat as you can get it. Think of a miniature pizza crust. I don't have a rolling pin so I used my hands. (clean hands) I sprayed the surface several times with cooking spray (i'm sure there are better ways to do it) so as to leave the roll free of sticking. 

When the roll was flat enough, I first put in a little handful of Mozzarella cheese, followed by the mixture. I pinched up the edges so there was no seeing what was inside, then I flipped the roll over onto the cooking sheet (seam side down) Repeat until you have no more rolls. (or no more mixture..)

Bake for 9 minutes. (or until starting to get brown, you may wonder why the inside is a little doughy, and it's because the rolls are a tad undercooked, BUT I promise it's better this way, believe in me.) 

While the goodness is baking, put remaining butter and minced garlic into a saucepan. Melt the butter and brown the garlic a bit. Have it ready to brush on top of the Puffs immediately after removing them from the oven. Then sprinkle with parmesan cheese.

Probably eat them. Because if you didn't it'd be a waste. Also, I know several people who are vegetarian, I believe this would be JUST AS GOOD without the chicken in it. Try it, will you?

xo.

Seriously though.