I've been stewing a lot about a couple of things lately and maybe, perhaps, they are one in the same.
I remember when I was an almost teen, my sister had a really close friend, I don't know exact details or anything but suddenly they weren't friends anymore due to that friends request. I don't think she'll be too upset with me relating just that small and simple thing.
The reason I bring this up is because I've been thinking a lot about what I've been like lately. I've talked about how negative I've been and how I aim to be better constantly.
Straight fact- something just isn't right with me. I think I'm depressed and I really need to see someone about it, or maybe just talk to God more.
I think I'm gradually loosing some of my most important friendships because I am negative. Truthfully this is all assumptive. I don't even realize I'm negative until it's already happened. If it's not my negativity that is moving people away, I'm not sure what it is. The only other thing that has changed is marriage. And I'm still just as close to all of my guy friends, so I don't think it's because I've changed much through marriage. But I would like to say, I'm never negative about anyone or anything, I'm always just negative about myself. Low self esteem?
Conclusion:
It's probably because I'm negative.
I suppose this type of negativity could translate well into depression.
I'm really really trying to work on it. I promise with all of my heart that I am.
I believe that friendships can last forever, and they can be constant. The kind of thing where if you don't see someone for a month or two, and get back with them, you start where you left off. Or the kind of thing where you talk to your friends about your life on a regular basis, so no surprises come up. I also believe whole heartedly that people change, grow, and become different. I don't think that should ever result in loosing a friend, unless of course that friend is a horrible person as per "becoming different."
the other stew:
I miss my friendships and I love my friends. I just want everyone to know that, I guess. I just want everything to be okay and I want everyone to know that I am here.
7 count it.:
I can't help with the friendships part, but I can say something about the negativity/depression thing. And while the sensitive part of me wants to deliver it as "advice," the bold part of me wants to deliver it as "a direct order." And it's this:
Get your butt to a therapist. It's one of the best things anyone can do for herself/himself.
He/she doesn't need to be expensive, and you don't have to have an appointment every week for a year or even for several months, but having someone outside of your life circle who is there for you to bounce ideas and thoughts off of is so, so valuable. I saw a therapist for a short while in 2010, maybe six appointments in all, and it was crazy helpful. I'll probably do it again, over and over, whenever I feel it's a good idea.
Anyway, I both advise and order you to at least give it a try. Because I know what a beautiful person you are and how much joy you get from the beauty in this world, and I don't want you to miss out on that beauty if a few hours at a therapist's office can help you out.
You know, for a while (not so long ago) I felt the same way as you do now. It isn't pleasant and not something that everyone understands. I remember telling someone once and they gave me the weirdest look so I just stopped talking about it.
But James told me to start going out for walks. He said it would help the negativity. So I did. And I made a point of looking at everything that everyone else ignored. It perked me up (not to mention slimmed me down which also helped! ;) ) but the more I began to notice life and love it and embrace, the less negative I became.
It is just a thought.
But sweetheart, do whatever feels right for you. And don't bottle it up. xxx
I don't have any advice except to reiterate what Sara said...that a therapist may really help. I used to think that therapy was only for the chronically depressed, but now I think that everyone could benefit because we all get depressed or anxious from time to time and could use help working out problems. I would like to go more...
Talking to God is a good thing, but I believe that people totally underestimate the power God gives them to seek out help from experts. God puts people on the earth that can help us with these problems.
Just my opinion though... Hope you get it figured out.
Tif, I really like your blog. If not for the occasional post like this I would never suspect that you have a low self esteem. I certainly hope that you wouldn't lose friends over having feelings like these. I blame a lot of my "loneliness" problems on getting married. I know that this has caused much of my bitterness towards others.
However, you are a very loving person and I have never seen you mean to anyone. I hope your friendships can be repaired and that your friends can find a way to support you through these hard times. If not, then in my opinion the problem lies with them and not you. -Em
I like all these comments! And agree with all of them! It seems like a lot of people blame their loneliness on getting married - it certainly does take away from other friendships, but the thing I've realized is that I really only NEED what I have. I NEED my relationship and friendship with Jesse, my husband, the most important person in my life. I NEED my relationships with my parents and siblings (and Jesse's family, too!), they are the other people I'm sealed to for eternity and they care about me the most. I feel like other friendships are nice, but I've learned to be happy whether I have them or not. I think MY loneliness comes from my job more than anything. I work alone and I HATE that. I need human interaction more. But I'm grateful that I've recognized that it is work, not marriage, that makes me feel alone.
Isn't it beautiful that you always know who you'll be with at the end of the day? Or who you'll be going out with for some special event? Having a husband is the greatest blessing and I think you and Joe are lucky to have had such a LONG and wonderful friendship before you got married. That is what will always sustain you. You are best friends. HE IS your best friend. Lucky lucky lucky. :) That's how I feel anyway.
Love you, Tiffy! Be happy and don't be afraid to try new things to find your joy. Therapy is a great idea! Walks are a great idea! And keeping a gratitude or happiness journal is definitely a good idea. Just never forget how loved and how special you are. Because you are.
Can I ask a question? After reading your post above.... I'm wondering if part of the negative/depression is about your face? Last winter I was so depressed out of my mind. BUT I didn't realize it until the end of this past summer. When I started stressing and DREADING winter I realized it was because I was so awful, unhappy, and negative last winter. A HUGE part of that was because of my face. (I read that you found a face wash you're finally liking... YAY! A tip I have is to be sure to stay moisturized. Anytime your skin feels dry, dump on the moisturizer. Or else you'll break out more.)
One thing that seriously helped me and my mindset was working out. I think it helped to feel like I was doing something to make my body feel better, so I felt better in my head. But working out causes a natural high, right? Therapists usually advise that we work out 20-30 minutes a day specifically for those endorphins to be released.
Another thing is with this nice sunny weather we've been having this winter... if you're feeling down, bundle up and go take a little walk. Let your face (and whatever other skin is showing) soak up the sun. It'll make a big difference!
And lastly, you DO have amazing friends. So try to set some time aside to get together with them. It WILL help.
<3 you Tif! Don't worry, you WILL come out of this! Promise.
i love you forever tif.
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